Thursday, April 13, 2006

Alternate Punishments to Drug Use

I'm sick of this whole 'drugs in baseball' topic, its annoying the hell out of me.

Every time I sit down to watch a game I have reporters screaming how Barry Bonds ALLEGEDLY took a cocktail of drugs to beef him up even though he did so WHEN THERE WERE NO RULES AGAINST IT.

Mr Selig and his cronies are determined to have a thorough investigation into drugs in baseball and want the punishment to fit the crime.
With that in mind I've taken to suggesting a few alternative punishments that would make players think twice before popping pills and get the topic off my television screen.

1. Players who use drugs should not have an asterisk next to his records. Instead the records should be printed in hieroglyphics so no-one can understand them.

2. All players who have been proven to have taken drugs should have to wear the number 666 on their Jersey.

3. Cheering, sound effects, fireworks and any other such celebrations are banned whenever a drug using player hits a homerun. Instead complete silence from the crowd and tumbleweed should be employed.

4. Once a player has been proven to have been taking drugs they should not be allowed to stop. Instead make the taking of more drugs mandatory so the player becomes a dribbling mess.

5. One strike for a strike-out against any batter who has taken drugs - they have an unfair advantage so why shouldn't the pitcher? It would also make them unemployable.

6. Drug user's bats should be designed to replicate a giant syringe.

7. Pitchers who take drugs have to throw underarm. Their gloves should also be removed so everybody knows what pitch they are going to throw.

8. Drug users should have to work as bat boys and serve refreshments to both the home and away team.

9. Catchers who abuse steroids should be shoulder tackled every time a runner comes home.

10. Extremely over weight players should be used to run for every drug using player that gets on base.


Let's see some action Selig!!!

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